I had to hurry home to get my vote in for the doggie park

Pavlov, I don't know what it is, but every time you talk my response is to drink heavily!

I'm telling you, George,... I feel like a freak, too. This Friday is almost over. I've only had two beers, and I'll take good care of the Bentley. Shshshhhhh.
And yes, George, that is my night wiff spot.
...you can't do that.

Dog to Master: "If you don't ask, I won't tell."

Dog to Master: "I'm just trying to get my minutes to roll over like I do for you."

"Yeah Frank, when you wished for a dog's life, I got yours! Just tie yourself to that urinal and I'll be out in twenty".

I'm on my way there pal. She's driving me crazy too.

You need to stop beating yourself up over this! This isn't healthy behavior! That big dog never should of humped you like that! Why did you take me to the dog park Frank? Why did you take me to the dog park?

What's going on with you? You used to feel bad when you did something wrong!

It's a hydrant. Just get on all fours, sniff, then lift your leg, mark and your done! It can't get any easier, I do it all the time! Then meet me here at Cindy's, I'm buyin.

Two words: Indoor Plumbing

Good morning and thank you for calling Porter the Dog Whisperer. What seems to be the problem?

Daisy you psycho drunk, I swear your behavior has only become worse since obedience training!

Dog: What leash?

Dog: Who? A what? No there aint no dogs in here. We run a classy place. Uh huh, you're welcome. Hey Shorty, give me another shot.

George, do you have another twenty?
This blind guy came in with his pooch.
I'd like to buy her a drink ....some pork rinds...something....whatdoyasay? hmm?

"Tell the Mrs. you're still looking for me and get your butt up here, I got a cold one waiting for ya!'

"...and you accuse me of drinking too much!?"

Dog to master: I just can't be seen out with you looking like that anymore. Hit the gym, will ya?

Dog: Look. If I told ya once, I've told ya a thousand times: I have better things to do than to help YOU lose weight...

"Porter, I thought you said we were meeting by the fire hydrant?"
"Listen Bob, it's over between us. We're on different paths now. You like long walks in the park while ranting about what's wrong in politics and teachers unions, while I like having a couple beers with the ladies... Look Bob, I have to go. there's this sweet little poodle that's been wanting to sniff my butt since I got here..."

"Seriously! Again!... Ok, ok... Approach slowly, sniff a few times, then lift your leg and go."

I'll be home as soon as my buddies and I finish the "Playing Poker" photo shoot.

Hey Big Guy don't forget the wieners

Did you get my text message?