So a cat comes into the bar...........

I was enjoying the steak I found laying on the table and all I remember after that was being thrown out the back door, and the door slaming behind me . Was that right?

How does it make you feel that your master sent you here to deal with your compulsive humping?

This is nice...I can't sit on the couch at home

"I'm stuck Doc........it's like my life is on paws"

I'll get right to the issue......I was neutered...of course I have penis envy.

It's an uncontrollable urge,,,I just have to hump his leg EVERY day!

I have the same dream every night.....I'm on the way to have dinner with Mitt and Barack....then I realize that I'm on the car and I am dinner.

You'd think that someone who has smiley faces on the bottom of their feet would have a better outlook on life

"Again with the mother questions.....yes,yes....she is such a ...B.."..(sorry thats too easy)

"My life has lost meaning ever since I finally caught my tail"

"Then she says lets try something different and now I cant stop thinking about it. Doc. have you ever heard about the missionary postion?"

I'm paying you 75 dollars an hour and all you can say is .."Because You Can ?!?!"

I'm so dogone depressed my tail hasn't wagged in weeks.....

It's so frustrating seeing a dog in the mirror everyday, when I know deep down I'm a cat on the inside.

I don't understand, Doc. They keep talking to me, but it's as if they are speaking Greek!

The cat doesn't understand me!

So I bring them the tennis ball and they are like " thats a good boy" then they just throw it again. What do they want from me?

I just feel...so........misunderstood.

Sometimes i feel like im just chasing my tail out there

They used to do everything with me, until that baby came along. Now they don't even know I exist.

It all began when I applied for the position of Beau the first dog.

As far back as I can remember my mom was a bitch.

Doc It still bothers me. How come I can't be on TV like Tom and Jerry

yep it's pretty much a dog eat dog world out there .

....and right before all the people at the Chinese restaurant eat me, I wake up! What does it mean Doc? What does it mean?

For some reason when I am with you I feel as inadequate as a butt sniffer.

...and not only THAT! They refuse to accept my traditions as a Muslim!

It`s my self esteem, Doc. I have a recurring dream of Elvis singing "You ain`t nothin' but a hound dog" to me.

I have a fear of being strapped to the roof of a station wagon.

It's awful. Every time I fall asleep the nightmare picks up right where it left off...Michael Vick's backyard.

Wait, what did you just say Doc?
wHHip cream? Why, what's wrong?

It all started when they left the toilet seat up. I was very thirsty. I mean, you have to be, in order to drink out of a toilet. But the water was so cold and deep...

I'm so pathetic........even the Dog Whisperer gave up on me

"Meow."

Life as a replacement referee if ruff!