I would not allow my teenagers to have sexual activity in the house. While I’m well aware kids today are engaging in sexual intercourse at an earlier age, I don’t have to approve of it—and allowing this kind of behavior in my house would be just that. I try to have an ongoing discussion about sex, health, respect and responsibility with our kids, and hope they will make the right decisions when the time comes. And when that time does come, here’s the rule: it’s our home, not a four-hour motel.

I think that the real lessons you are failing to teach your young adults if you allow this to happen in your house is responsibility to others and learning to think before you act. As a teen, they don't always understand the emotional connection that goes with the "act" itself. Event though they may be "protected" accidents happen and that accident can change their life. Thinking back, most of the teens that I knew were having sex for two reasons: 1. to make their boyfriend/girlfriend happy, and 2. for instant gratification. Neither of those reasons is going to build healthy self esteem, especially in young women. I guess what I am saying here is that setting a boundary for your teen helps them avoid a situation that they may not be ready to handle. I would rather be the "bad guy" and let them blame me....it's better than the alternative. Let them grow up a bit and figure this out for themselves; but not under my roof.

I am all for an open conversation about sex with a tween and teenager but there is NO WAY I would allow any sexual activity in my home. Why would I make it easy for my daughter to have sex as a teen? Why would any parent? It is not suppose to be easy to sneak sex as a teen. Just because you have an open conversation about sex does not mean you are opening a hotel. Yes, I realize some kids are going to fool around. I hope mind do not but if they do, I am not going to make it easy for them. I am not a friend, I am a parent.

I agree with Cortez. Just because you know that many teens are having sex, that does not mean you have to condone it. You are the parent and teens always try to push the limit (that's their job)and you need to do just that as a parent...set the limits. I agree that you should educate your kids about sex, but that doesn't mean they have to practice it. What many people don't think of is the side affects of these kids having sex at such an early stage of their lives. HPV's are rampet and STD's are as well, not to mention the side affect of getting pregnant and the emotional baggage that goes along with it all. Imagine your child having a child because that's what you are signing up for when you let your kids have "safe sex'. My husband and I had safe sex too, and we have a couple of kids to prove it. Condoms do fail and the pill is not 100% effective. It sounds like someone needs to start educating the parents about sex if there are people out there condoning this methodology.

My parents used birth control and here I am today.

I am 25, I do not have kids...but I do know what it is like to live in a house where it was not permitted. My mom wouldn't even let me in the room with a guy with the door closed. And, I snuck around all the time looking for new places to go and "do it." It happened, any place that we could (even behind my moms back in her home). Sometimes we had to rush and wouldn't even use a condom.

My boyfriends mom was cool about the situation. She didn't know what was going on, and always knocked when she entered the room. After we realized it was safe to do it there, it was safer because we had less of a chance the cops were going to find us, and bring us home. Plus, we were able to take our time and make sure that the condom was on properly, vs. just trying to finish.

I must say it was much smarter for us to be safe in his house, then it was to be in a car or at the park. If it is going to happen...its going to happen. Even in your own home behind your back!

No I would not permit my teen to have sex in our home. To openly permit it or ignore it if you know it's happening is no different than openly condoning it. I know what we tell our children to do and what they actually do are sometimes on opposite ends of the spectrum, but it doesn't mean I have to like or approve of it. We always had open and candid conversations with them about sex. Yes, regardless of what they're told, some kids are going to do it anyway. Hopefully some candid conversations will postpone their decision until they're a bit more mature.

I'm not sure of the purpose of "L" 's comment "it's going to happen anyway" but I to grew up in a strict household and It never made me want to have sex in a car. I think it actually made me think more about what I should expect from myself in fact I remained a virgin until I was 20 yrs old and in college, we now have been married 22yrs and have 3 children. Parents have to set boundaries, if your child was doing drugs would you let them do that in your house ?

what about the parents of the other kid? does she let them know this is going on in there home? if some parent knew my child was having sex in their house and allowed, someone would get their ass stomped!

Is there a double standard here. Because it is a boy it is ok. I wonder if the woman had girl she would make it comfortable and private?

When my children reach an age, I hope we have a trusted and open relationship such that we can talk about such matters and to make sure they are protecting from disease and pregnancy BUT no way in heck would I openly invite my son or daughter to have relations in my home. Another user brought up a good point about the "other kid" and how that would be handled. No way. If teens are set on doing such matter, they will find a will or a way but I am not going to opening invite it into my home.

As I can see, so many parents are closed to the idea of "sex in the house". I do so rememebr when I was a teen (maybe they should too) how kids in our days would be sneaking around to have sex wherever they could. Some girls got pregnant .. others did not. I am a mom of 3 boys, 18, 13 and 8, and I want them to be as prepared for this act as much as possible. I am not wanting to be a grandma now. Don't get me wrong, it is not like I told my oldest (when I took him to the store and bought him condoms) ~ "Have sex in my house" I merely wanted him armed, in the event it happened.
I don't want it to happen, but if it should, at least they were somewhere that I know he had the condoms and a safe place to do so. Many parents can think what they want, your kids ARE having sex ... even if they say they are not. Last time I checked, it takes two, to make this happen, so it is not just the boy that needs to be responsible. Sometimes the boys are the ones pushed into it from the girl .. and yes, visa versa. I have an open relationship with my boys and hope that they can convey their thoughts or wants of needing to have sex in my house. I believe that if you take the time, to have a serious discussion with your kids and teach them that talking about sex is natural and nothing to be embarrassed about, could prolong the act of sex from happening. Please do not "bash" me for my comment, for I am merely stating My Opinion ...

I have to say that I would never allow my children to have sex in our home. I know that my Son is having sex, but I do not want to be in the same place that they are while they're having it. We openly talk about sex, and protection, diseases, and lots of other things. But I do not allow any teen to come in and have sex in our home. Never have and never will. Yes, they will have sex regardless, but I surely will not make it easy for them.

The difference between KNOWING that some kids are going to do things and HELPING kids do things is what separates adults from children. It is the child's job to test the waters, to push limits.

Teens may experiment with their sexuality, drink, swear, dye their hair purple, skip a class, etc. They do this for two reasons: 1. they don't know who they are yet, 2. the part of the brain that tells them that the thing they are about to do (let's say speeding in a school zone, trying a drug, having sex) is not developed all the way yet. The think, "well, it might go wrong for other people, but I'll be fine."

Adults are supposed to know better. Be a good role model for your children, don't turn your home into a cheap motel.

ABSOLUTELY NOT, PERIOD!

As the mother of a boy I would never allow him to have sex in my house. I am his parent, not his friend. My job is not to make his life easy, but rather to mold him into a responsible, reliable, and functioning member of society. I believe in open discussions regarding sex, and I hope to make hm comfortable enough to come to me with questions. Sex is not an evil thing, but it has a time and place and my house is not one of them. That mother is being selfish because she gives no regard to the wishes of that girl's parents. Using the "they will do it anyway" argument doesn't fly with me. Should our children be allowed alcohol in our homes because they will do it anyway? What about drugs? We need to be parents, not friends. Raise your child right and maybe you won't have to babysit their illegal activities to keep them out of trouble under the guise of 'safety'. Raise your child right and maybe they will be better armed to make proper decisions on their own.

As a parent of both a boy and a girl, who are older and that talk to me - I have the same instinctive answer - NO! It's not allowed. On the other hand, we have had frank discussions and condoms were bought for both of them to keep on hand. I would have preferred that neither one of them have sex until they were married, and they both know that. That was my son's plan, until a girl he once considered marrying pressured him into it... and I know that it was in my home, while I was not here. Did I approve - NO! And it was discussed. And it bothers him still today, that he gave in. But he did use protection, so I am NOT a grandparent. My daughter - she has also worried me in the past and she will keep things to herself and she will worry things to her own detriment, but she's now talking to me and she has decided that she's not liking boys right now because of a former boyfriend... and I'm ok with that, since that keeps her safe and not pregnant either... and hopefully we will get through her college years with out any problems...

Another case of parents abdicating their responsibilities.

Glanced through these comments about the 17 years olds mothers decision to make nicey-nice for the "event". SHE SHOULD HAVE CHILLED THE "ANDRE'S COLD DUCK" ALSO.

I notice a lack of male response to this article.

I wonder how this mother can even show her face anywhere knowing that she got into a conversation
about her situation.

Census figures released show that only 47% of households are two-parent.

I wonder why this mother didn't call the girl's FATHER for a little friendly advice.

You really don't have to wonder why this country is in the shape it is.

Have a good day!

No way, no chance, no how! As the father of three girls, their doors will be open at all times there is a boy up there. I grew up the same way. If they are going to sneak around, then so be it, let them get caught and embarrassed. Believe it or not, it is against the law in Illinois to have sexual relations outside of marriage.

Parents are not to be friends of their kids. Parents set rules and therefore are not the good guy. I wonder if the parent that encourages their son to have sex in her house lets her son do other things he shouldn't be doing in her home. If I were the father of the girl in this article, I would be pressing charges against the parents of the boy.

Each of the parents supporting this behavior have used the arguement that their children are at least "safe" in their homes while doing it. My question is: Safe from what? From pregnancy...no. From STD's....no. From emotional issues related to teen sex...no. Again, from what? "Safe" from the police? From being bit in the a$$ by mosquitos? Car upholstery burns?Seriously, "safe" from what?

A good parent has open and honest communication with their children, whatever the subject is and hopefully guiding them in the right direction. Knowing they might be doing something that they might regret later is different than allowing and condoning it in your home, whether its sex or alcohol when they are minors. Those are the parents that want to be the best friend to their child, not the parent.

Some questions that haven't been asked here regarding this mother and her 17 yr old son having sex in their home, is how old is the girlfriend? and isn't what he is doing a crime? and if it is, is the mother also legally responsible for contributing to the deliquency. Do the girls parents know this is going on when their daughter visits her boyfriends home? What is the age of consent in IL? A few other things to think about here.

NEVER WOULD I ALLOW THAT. NO ONE SHOULD. I think the parent of the 17 year old boy that does condone it needs to call the girl's parents and have them come over and sit and have dinner while their kids are "doing it" in the basement. What do you think Mom of 17 year old? Kids need parents. Be one lady! The kid is obviously looking for a parent! I hate to know what else is happening in that house.

Nolan, You should be assigned a case#. No doubt you will keep the dialogue going for this article. Getting arrested apparently didn't do much for you.

Hate to break it to you Nolan, but underage sex is illegal, its called statuatory rape and the girls parents should seriously consider it.

Not a chance I would ever condone my children having pre-marital sex, let alone in my own house. What ever happened to respect for parents and for one's self for that matter? I feel for the parents of the teen girl who are most likely oblivious to the fact that their daughter is engaging in this activity at the home of her boyfriend. YIKES! They have the rest of their lives to behave like adults, let them be kids while they still are.

No, I wouldn't allow it, but I betcha big bucks the minute two teenagers are left alone in a home, they are involved in some kind of sexual activity. A parent can preach & nag for hours/days, and at first it might work due to a teenager's guilty conscience, but as soon as the parent is out of sight, the teenagers will be going at it all night! If a teen wants to have sex, they will find the time and a place to have it.

I guess I opened a can of worms. For those of you who are interested in the law I was referring to (I learned about it when I studied Criminal Justice) is 720 ILCS 5/11-8. It is a state law and still on the books. 720 ILCS 5/11-7 is adultery. While they aren't prosecuted much anymore, they are still the law. Both are misdemeanors, but both can result in jail time.

This isn't about kids having sex really, it is about parents condoning it. Just because kids are doing something doesn't make it right, and doesn't take our responsibilities of a parent off the table. I am sure the comments would be different if the article was about illegal drug use and the one parent says they allow it in their home for their kids. Neither are the morally correct thing to do. Parents need to create the moral compass in their kids.

Until my girls are adults, I am not out to be their friend. I am their father, and that means making unpopular decisions in the eyes of my girls.

I am 19 right now and i thank my mother for treating me so well. I agree with Nolan that there needs to be some respect between the parent and the sexually active teen but I myself am a very responsible teenager and I have always been very close to my mom. So we were able to talk about it openly and to create boundaries and understand each other. My mom never permitted me to do any sexual activities in her house but because there was a level of trust between me and her i would be allowed to keep my bedroom door closed every once in a while. And i never did anything wrong because if my mom trusted me I wanted it to stay that way. I was put on the birth control pill for period issues but I believe that even though it's uses weren't for sex that it did make my mom feel a lot better. As a teenager myself I believe that we need to feel like we have some responsibility of our own actions. It's how we grow up. Now I'm not saying that all teenagers should be allowed to roam free and do whatever we please. Becuase that would reck havoc all over New Lenox and there are cases when some teens can't handle responsiblity on their own and in that situation theyre should be boundaries. But I believe that if there is open communication and trust between both the parent and the teen then that will create beneficial attributes for the rest of the teens life.

Be a parent, not a friend. kids crave boundaries, Those that don't get them generally turn into losers.....

What about teaching them Morals. that's what's wrong today. Blacks today as Parents have stop being parents and trying to be friends. I believe you should be friends with your teenager but be a Parent first.I'm 64 yrs old and I would not want to have sex in my parents house. What happen to RESPECT. If You have too provide condoms and a place for them they probably should not be doing it. Sex means being responsible next comes a baby are you going to be responsible for that too. I still believe sex comes
with marriage call me old fashion, but back in my day You didn't want your parents knowing you were having sex and were not married, what's wrong with that. Carrington in Chicago Heights

Again, you young women love to argue!

Move on.

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Thank you for your opinion Frank, ha

R, You are welcome!

Absolutely not. Nor do I endorse practicing sex before marriage, living together before marriage, or casual sex outside of being married. How can we take such a gift of giving life such a cheap approach. Creating life, having a child should be treated with such high respect and regard for life overall. WE must take a look at how cheap this casual approach can make our children feel. This is incredibly self centered, selfish and crude. If a parent allows this, I believe they have some lack of respect for themselves, their situation and their life experiences that have led to such an approach. I was absolute in my discussions with my adult children when it came to living together before marriage. I was absolute with all discussions about casual sex. This act is about respecting and creating a life and waiting was a respectful act between people who truly respected and cared about one another. Any less would be exactly that ....less than respectful and caring.

Illinois 105 ILCS 5 School Code. Section 27-9.1. Sex Education. No pupil shall be required to take or participate in any class or course in comprehensive sex education if his parent or guardian submits written objection thereto... Each class shall include instruction on the prevention, transmission, spread of AIDS. Nothing prohibits instruction in sanitation, hygiene or traditional courses in biology... emphasize abstinence is expected and the only protection that is 100% effective against pregnancy, diseases... age appropriate... shall teach honor & respect for monogamous heterosexual marriage...stress that pupils should abstain from sex until ready for marriage. ...discuss possible emotional and psychological consequences of sex outside marriage & consequences of pregnancy...shall stress sexually transmitted diseases are serious...provide statistics of latest medical information citing failure of condoms in preventing transmitted diseases...advise of laws pertaining to financial responsibility to children born in and out of marriage...advise pupils unlawful for males to have sexual relations with females under age of 18 to whom they are not married Article 12 of the Criminal Code of 1961...shall teach pupils to not make unwanted physical and verbal sexual advances and how to say no to unwanted sexual advances...taught that it is wrong to take advantage of or to exploit another person. ....encourage youth to resist negative peer pressure.

My god you bunch of hypocritical prudes, we are going to do it, like it or not, but if you want us to be careful of the things that scare you guys most (pregnancy and STD's), don't make us do it behind the empty K-Mart parking lot in my beat up 1998 mustang. If my parents let my girlfriend and I have sex with privacy and preparation, I guarantee 100% we would be much safer than the contrary. I am the first to speak out on the unsupported side; furthermore, I am the subject of all of your ridicule: I'm a 16 year old boy! We are young, yes, but not primitive. I swear you guys could so easily have the best of both worlds. Lay down the law in your house about HOW TO DO IT SAFELY AND PROPERLY and let the kid's own home be his/her safe haven. To be frank, the fact that you gave birth to them does not mean that you have the natural right to control what they do with their body and the bodies of others' (consensually). Get off their dicks so they don't mess up later, god damn.

How refreshing, little jimmy crawls out of the haystack with his kindergarten diploma and binky.

Somewhere there is a MR & Mrs Ferdette beaming from backside cheeks (of what they have produced).

Do you get it little jimmy?

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Mr. B F,

No! Far be it from me to bring such language to the PATCH.

But since you ask, Charlie Finley had a DONKEY mascot that fared better than his ball players at the time.

The backside cheeks of Finley's donkey have an..., and now you know the rest of the story. (Pardon me Paul Harvey)

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After reading this article about this subject made be sick to my stomach. It has really showed me how much the church and I mean the people and who are the church who call themselves Christians have failed miserably. I can't even imagine how much our heavenly father has grieved knowing that he sent his one and only son to us so we can do what ever we want and not obey anything that he set forth for us. Let me be the first to apologize on behalf of my brothers and sister in Christ for what we have portrayed to the non christian community. For those of you who are or calling yourself Christians out there I suggest that you pick up your Bible and staring reading beginning in Genesis about what an actual blood covenant is and how sacred that is to our Father. In the Bible begging in Genesis God speaks about the blood covenant and what it means to him. This has to do with any blood covenant in the Bible. When you get married the covenant that you take also involves the shedding of blood that is the reason God provided that certain piece that is in a woman that sheds blood after they consummate the marriage in Love. Parents please pick up your Bible and start reading it before anyone tells you anything different everything to raising your teen has been a best seller for years written by an author from the beginning of time. Do yourself a favor pick it up and start reading it and share what God says in His word and show them that requires reading from Genesis to Revelation.

I feel that parents should allow their children to have sex in their homes. I mean, sure, parents should be teaching kids responsibility and stuff, but kids would just do it anyway. Sure, you want to prevent them from having sex, but it is your kid's decision. Some people will wait until they are married, but many won't. I guess all I'm trying to say is it's gonna happen. It's human nature. Parents are always explaining to kids that sex isn't bad, but by trying to prevent your teenagers from having sex just tells them the opposite. Remember, actions speak louder than words. Now please, don't go and bite my head off in another comment. It is unnecessary. That's my opinion and I'm sticking to it. Have a lovely day!

I'd be curious to how the parents of the girl would feel knowing her boyfriend's mother provides them with condoms and a place to have sex. I cannot think they would be over the top happy. What happens if this girl gets pregnant? Does the boyfriend's mother have to financially take care of it since she is condoning these actions? Wouldn't you be a little creeped out knowing your mother knows you're having sex right at this moment? I'm 38 and it would still creep me out

This topic keeps re-surfacing. Apparently, it still hits a lot of nerves.
Once again, we are talking about teenagers ~ they will try to do as they want, all the time. The difference is in what you teach them. I have a good relationship with my kids, I AM their mom and not their friend. I am the "bad" one when I put the rule into force ...
I believe that teens shouls be informed and armed with the proper birth control necessary to be safe. I have boys, so I make sure my eldest one was always prepared. Do I want him to have sex, no, I would want him to wait. But he knows all that goes along with having sex, pros, cons and the such. I am not going to stay home from work, and not go out at night, just to be sure he is not having sex. I allow him and his girlfriend to have their space.
Morals are instilled, reasoning talked about, all views spoken about .. my son is prepared, SHOULD he decide to do so .
Once again, this is MY opinion and how I believe how the relationship between my son and I works. Being open, honest and armed with knowledge and condoms.

Hey, mom who is letting your kids have sex in your house..........please let all of us know when the girl gets pregnant, or when the girl or guy get an STD! We'll be anxious to hear about it.

About 10 months have passed since this subject surfaced.

Still a lack of male response. I still stand by responses of June,2011.

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I'm a 17 year old male and my ex girlfriends dad came to my house to kick my butt. Why is it my fault it takes 2 people to have sex.

You play ...you pay. Simple biology. Simple health 101.
Ask the young parents who gave up their dreams.
Ask the young mother who has no job, didn't finish high school and has to put a roof over their child's head and clothe them.
Young adults, act like adults and make smart decisions. Do not let a moment decision of very natural hormonal survival skills take away your dreams. This "act" is a gift that forms life. Please hold it as a special moment to become parents creating life out of love, not impulse. Your future children will love you for it!

Maybe the parents of the teens having sex should take them down the streets of the poor neighborhoods where kids are running around with no parents at all and have no food or clothing because their parents coudn't take care of them. Take those kids down to DCFS to see the kids of the young parents who couldn't take the pressure of being broke and having nothing so they had to give them kids up or worse, they beat them. Parents of teens having sex or suspecting it, show they the light! Be a parent. Show them the way. They obviously are not thinking about the future, only the moment. It's up to the parents to take care of their children at any age. The only way these teens are going go understand truly what sex is all about.....the whole reason God gave us the ability to have this vulnarability and feeling. Teach your kids. They are just waiting for you to teach them why and when to do these things. BE A PARENT!!! Once you sign up, there's no turning back. Learn from the mistakes you made as parents and don't let you children do the same. Want more for your children. Look around you. There are so many kids who are on this earth because of parents like you who let their teens have sex in their home because you don't want to be the bad parent in your kids' eyes. Again, let us know when they get pregnant! It's going to happen.

Fifteen months or so and this comment is getting a revival here on the Patch.

The dippy mother who wrote it should respond and let us know how things are going.

Maybe she's called grandma now.

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Right on Frank! So, lady, where are you now? I'm sure you are getting these threads. Are you a grandma now or have you rethought the whole situation and became a responsible parent???? Please comment for us!!!

Well, they don't have George's comment posted, but I still stand by my views of almost two years ago.

George and the person who started this discussion deserve each other. I'm sure they could help raise a litter.

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Cindey -

Now that I am older I look back at the parents of boys I dated that just "let the door be shut". Really, I think they were motivated by fear of confrontation, not knowing how to handle it or just plain not taking responsibility. It is loving to tell a young person the truth...no matter what they will think. I did not have a mother and my father was overloaded with raising 7 kids himself. It would have been so much better for me if one of those mothers of those guys I dated cared enough to tell me the truth...and also their sons. I am not proud of those days. Lust leads to passions and I know passion is hard to stop once it is going. But, just one person saying something like "care about yourself more than that...because you are precious" can change someone's life.

Thinking more about my past...I had a friend, a teen girl, whose parents were very liberal and allowed their girls to freely sleep with their boyfriends at their home.
I never liked being there. It was not secure. Even though I lived in a violent home and was not personally making good choices in life, I even felt it wasn't good! There is an order with parents...they should know better than the teens. When it is out of order, kids know it.